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friendship

I’m a bad friend. Yes, self-deprication is never the answer, but throughout my years here on this earth I have learned one irrefutable fact: I suck at being a friend. It’s not because I’m some kind of psycho-hose-beast, or a vindictful bitch bent of the destruction of all those who threaten me. Oh no, it’s much simpler then that. I’m a complete flake! I am super ditzy, I am not thoughtful of others… or really anything at times! Depression makes my mind foggy, and lithium makes it worse. There are days in which all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, and on those days I remember nothing.

There are days in which I have fantastic energy and even greater ideas about what it is I am capable of doing. Unfortunately, life happens, the chemicals in my brain switch, and when it comes to helping you with that thing… well, I helped myself to my bed instead.  I can be so reliable, so great, and so helpful, such an angel. The world thinks I’m “normal” and expects me to be the same from one day to the next.

So really, this isn’t about me being a sucky friend, it’s about everyone else realising that I am indeed crazy! Which at the end of the day, is really what this is all about anyways.  I’m lucky that I have accumulated some amazing friends over the years who understand that sometimes, I’m just not as capable. As for the rest, I really am sorry I didn’t live up to your expectations.  I am lucky to have come to an understanding with myself, that I am the way that God made me and that while it may not me ok with the rest of the worl, I have accepted it.

I am going to disappoint, let down, flake out, not be there, miss a crucial event, and even be considered a bad friend, but at the end of the day it’s up to you to decide. Love me and take me with all my flaws, or don’t!